Monday, September 17, 2007

If you believe you're never mistaken, kindly take your meds

. . .so that you don't ruin the afternoon for the rest of us.

In brief:

Came out of the post office this afternoon and climbed into my car. As I'm turning on the car, angry white man pounds on my roof with a thick marker.

AWM: "You wanna get out and take a look at what you did to my car?"

Me, thinking: WTF?!?

Me, speaking and rolling down window a couple inches: Oh, I'm sorry. Did my door hit your car? I don't think it did.

AWM, angrily: I felt it from inside my car!

(I look through my window at his gray Honda. I don't see any marks or dings, and he's not pointing to any. Throwing caution to the wind, I open my door. I open it more. I open it all the way. There's a good three inches between the edge of my car door and his car.)

Me: Look, it doesn't even touch your car, even when fully open.

Him: I felt it from inside my car!

(I close my door and roll up the window, then lock the door. Thinking: Whatever.)

Him, still screaming: I felt it from inside my car!

(I drive out of the PO lot and down the street, checking repeatedly in my rearview window to see if he's following me. I was headed to pick up Lucas from daycare and HELL NO I'm not going to have any crazy white man following me. To be safe, I pull into the lot of the police station a couple blocks away and wait for a few minutes. When there's no sign of AWM, I continue on my way.)

I stay paranoid all afternoon and evening. Angry White Men are my least favorite brand of crazy.

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